Tag Archives: figurines

The Worst Game Ever Played? Part One

I have played games all my conscious life, honestly. Surely they are legion, even if you confine yourself to the games that come in a box with rules (which I am). Few things attract my soul more deeply than this notion of orderly, fairly rigorous play: that there are turns to take, rules to observe, other people also putting their attention and love into this activity. I have had various jobs, lived in different states, grew in one family and helped make another… it’s a full life. But always games, always games.

And I don’t think I could possibly tell you which one was the best.

But the worst? No hesitation.

It’s not even close.

Why Play?

I deliberately never studied Psychology so I could diagnose all the reasons why people engage in leisure activity. The main reasons were that it sounded like hard work, and also that I was too busy playing games, see… but I confess I also didn’t want anything to spoil the fun.

And that is kind of a worry isn’t it? That we’re not really playing for any good-enough reason to keep at it, once we learn more. I bet nobody on earth plays as much as they want to. Yet we don’t manage to take the steps which that revelation would entail. But there is a layer of lip-service out there, to the effect that yes, there are good effects from a sense of play (which always comes off different, somehow, from actually spending time playing). Again, I didn’t study that stuff.

But I still think I’m an expert on games. Based on the whole 10,000-hours thing. Actually, if that’s what it takes they probably should create a new level above “expert”. Dude, I’m a Game Master. That’s true, I can rustle up witnesses if you don’t believe me: that title’s mine. So listen up as I lay out the reasons why people play games.

Again, this is not about heaping sand on the beach, or volleyball, or “playing chicken” on a narrow road in a muscle car. Those things are play, sport and suicide, respectively. I’m talking about GAMES here, but I’m letting out hopscotch, tic-tac-toe, most anything that makes sound effects on a console, and about a billion other things you get caught doing without having finished your homework. All games, yes, but all out.

  1. Comes in a box
  2. Has rules

What, did you think I was kidding before? So with that in mind, why do we ever play THOSE? Sure, sure, “there’s nothing better to do right now” and “it was fun”- but those just lead to something else at the root of it. Keep asking why. Then see if you agree with my list.

Because We Might Win

Actually, I never beat Bill Michaels at this one… therapy?

There’s  a word for someone who plays a game a thousand times and doesn’t win once. And there’s a couch for that person to lie on while he tells his troubles to a trusted counselor. But the REST of us, you cannot deny, have to feel a little tug in our core, somewhere between where we get hungry and where we need to pee. That tug that sees a bit of glory ahead, and that involves of course a level playing field, something you could win that would be fairly won. Yeah, we all kind of like that.

Example: Chess might be hard, but you can’t ask for a more even contest. It’s you and one opponent (exception: See Double Bug-House if you want to make your brain squirt out your ears in an effort to escape). There are just the same number of pieces, the same kind. Sure, maybe he gets to move first, but you play white next time. Game on.

Because We’re Getting Better

Good games don’t have to be ones where you win all the time- in fact, you know the game’s not good if you do, because of the first “why” above and then adding the Categorical Imperative. But it’s fine to lose, it can be great to lose even a lot of the time, if you know the way you play is improving. You get closer, maybe start to win more often.

Example: Magic: the Gathering is a collectible card game (CCG) which lures you to find just the right cards that bring you victory. You try new combinations, you balance out how much land to how many creatures; your deck does better. Of course you learn you’ll never get that holy grail of THE deck, the one that wins no matter what. You pick your poison, you keep staring at that one card you REALLY love until you find a way to make it work with the others. And not coincidentally, you go out and buy more cards because you never have the ones you need… hey, great games are fun, not always cheap.

Because We Learn Something

Quite aside from getting better at the game itself, many of the ones I played-including the worst in history- were war-game simulations. A lot of these were quite complex and I get that not many people are really into those. But especially as someone in love with history, to see the game designers demonstrate a principle– like the speed of cavalry, the power of missile weapons and the importance of morale– those were very illuminating moments for me. I walked away thinking about that, win or lose, and it made me understand books I read and classes I got to teach with greater comprehension.

Example: Pandemic shows you in a very simple way just how quickly diseases can go from “we got this” to “oh, yeah, spot of trouble here I guess” to “HOLY CRAP WHAT WE GONNA’ DO NOW”. It’s also cool because players are cooperating, not competing. Doesn’t matter who cures the damn virus– take my city card, use my free ride, just get your butt into the lab pronto and get that vaccine before it reaches Buenos Aires.

Because Something Hilarious Could Happen

So much for the rational and graspable, to quote a great First Officer. I’m very much on that side of the ledger myself– I inherited my Dad’s competitive spirit and something about simulations simply turned me all the way ON back in high school. It’s been a perpetual motion machine since, still running like a top. And yet…

I can’t deny…

Sometimes the game just goes sideways and I’m so here for that. And there are games practically designed to do such things. The rules build in chaos, they seem to account for odds and method and all the usual, yet you realize that in fact the game bears a subversive agenda, something that has little to do with winning or losing. And you actually start to want THAT. Most role-playing games end up like this at some point and it would take five more blog posts to lay out even a tiny fraction of the situations I’ve been present for. But you can read about a few of them…

Example: Rumors is out of print now I believe, and it’s not for kids. Draw a few cards with moral behavior questions on them. Quiz your soon-to-be -former-friends with these Yes/No questions in an effort to make them answer the way you figured. If their answer matches yours, you discard and come closer to being “out”, thereby winning. They, of course, resist this outcome: everyone chooses “Depends” as their answer, leading to the group chanting “ON…“, forcing the questioned person to elaborate. Anyone may call BS on that expanded answer, and the group votes with either a halo or a pitchfork. The accuser or the defendant suffers extra cards as a penalty.

The point is, one person invariably starts to challenge every question– not because they think they can win, but because they believe they will hear something scandalous about someone they only thought they knew. The game goes out the window and some of the players end up holding half the deck but laughing until they’re weak.

There may be a fifth reason; in fact, I cannot shake the notion that there is. But time presses, I’ve barely set the table and still have not once mentioned the worst game ever played.

I promise I will next time. No, God as my witness, it’s horrendous. Appalling. The opposite of every reason I listed. It’s the uttermost bottom of the world in terms of game play.

You won’t recognize it. And when I’m done explaining you’ll be glad of that.

For now, make sure to list your favorite game in the comments below. And then, when’s the last time you played it?

 

It Figures: Vuthienne

Because in the end you need to show, not tell.

The third of my so-called “warm-up” pieces in the return to painting showed me some cheering success, and some warning failure. Fitting that it was a female figurine…

WHO:

Vuthienne is Primara of the lost city of Oncario, a significant supporting character in the upcoming novel The Eye of Kog. Her city, hidden in chaos deep in the Percentalion, is home to a thriving post-medieval economy and the gateway to Reghalion, the capital where the destiny of this kingdom will finally be decided. I tease her appearance at first, and it’s some time before Treaman and the party lay eyes on the city’s leader and the lover of their friend Januelus who brings them to her presence.

vuthienne1The door opened behind one side of the throne, and Treaman saw then, what they all had waited for.

His first impression, as he stood with everyone else for the Primara, was one of striking beauty. Vuthienne was tall and long-limbed, with a lustrous shock of red-brown hair spilling around a golden circlet and a slit scarlet gown that left no doubt about the breadth of her curves. A smooth and unhurried pace allowed no choice where everyone should look, for whom everyone should wait to speak.

-The Eye of Kog, Downfall

WHY:

Vuthienne is important to the plot of the tale in ways that don’t make it onto paper. The careful reader can gather hints of her power and policy and the way things have moved because of her presence. I thought it was very important to paint her, because that makes me spend more time thinking about those “background scene” issues. I’ve just received the galley from editing and will be able to read more closely now, with things I’ve learned while contemplating her figurine. Crazy, fine, you don’t have to believe me. But it’s true– I know her better now.

Vuthienne took up the rule of Oncario after her father’s death and wanted to return the city vuth1to its days of glory. Cut off from trade, she decided to take up the Scepter of Law, which in custom is only wielded by the descendants of Areghel the king. The artefact continually sparks and pains her (something Treaman experienced when he briefly held the Sword of Air), but with its abilities Vuthienne was able to expand the physical boundaries of the city-state out into the chaos, and bring increased fertility to the crops, greater efficacy to the key industries practiced within the city. Thus even before the ruin of Oncario, Vuthienne was sacrificing her life for her citizens. This informs the cruel choice she must make at the end of the novel, when the Eye of Kog also falls within her ambit and brings her to heroic ruin. Yet Vuthienne’s unhesitating courage, and the masquerade she conducts to pull off her ruse, are key to any hope for Treaman’s party when they are captured by the undead. Spoiler-alert? The tale will be out soon.

HOW:

Since I’ve restarted my painting hobby, this section deals mainly with the use of the brush, not the camera. Vuthienne proved remarkably difficult to undertake, and I wasn’t fully successful. Let that be a lesson to me when I try for the big-figs next.

First off, I just didn’t have the right colors and my attempts to mix what I needed were comic failures. So I’ve added another half-dozen bottles to my growing palette (you can get them on ridiculous sale at the craft stores if you watch) and in a couple of cases just took the shade straight-up, which simplified matters greatly. Her clothes and adornments are fairly well described in the text so that was a good guide. Vuthienne is shown here before she took up the Scepter of Law or tried to wear the Eye of Kog, so you see the staff traditionally used by the Primara of Oncario in her hand.

vuth3That was my first minor success: you can’t see it in the picture, but the top of the staff shows Solar, Unal and Aral and I was able to put the proper colors on each. The sun disk at the top is gold-on-bronze, nearly invisible to your eye but it’s there. Beneath that the smaller disk of Unal is in silver, and the crescent-slice of Aral is in silversteel. Nice bit of detail work, but my camera skills were not up to the brush: I discovered that I can show more of a portal-view by letting the disk of my magnifying lens show in frame, so I have a few shots like that this time. Just couldn’t get close or bright enough to reveal it, you’ll have to take my word.

The biggest failure, of course, was the face. I aimed to shade her fair, noble skin tone with just a light blush around the lips and cheeks, but failed disastrously. It looks like cake make-up to cover wrinkles, it’s thicker than clown face. Plus, I didn’t realvuth6ize it, but any figure with an open mouth immediately looks undead! Check it out, I was definitely fighting and losing an

Created with Nokia Refocus

uphill battle here. Several attempts did little to improve matters. Also I could not get the white around the pupils to show, the smallest dot I could make still looks like she’s a spice-addict from Dune. Had to cut my losses again.

The typical black wash technique and a little dry-brushing worked well to make the gown and hair look a bit more realistic. I tried for a cloth-of-silver effect with her green strophion, but metallic hues don’t dilute readily and I couldn’t stop it from clumping. I was shading at first, dry-brushing near the end! But it was stubborn; still the effect is there I’d say.vuth4

Another aspect of this figure that made it tough to shoot was her stooping posture. Vuthienne quite literally casts shade at herself, and if that’s not a metaphor for the action of the plot I don’t know what is.

So once again I come away from an encounter with a beautiful woman both edified and embarrassed, which is the story of my life. I hope you’ve enjoyed Vuthienne here and will look her up in The Eye of Kog when it publishes. You don’t see her right away, nor for long enough if you ask me, but she’s worth it. Shevuth-jan1‘s on my display shelf near a werewolf character for some inexplicable reason… and also up there are Final Judgement and the Bell-Ringer, my latest additions to a collection long stalled by the needs of the Alleged Real World. Next up, the Big Three!